Starting Over: Lessons I Learned from Changing Careers - Part 2, "Chris' Support"

 I feel incredibly blessed for Chris to have had the insight and courage to encourage me to pursue real estate.  Before he brought it up, it was something I was extremely interested in, but it seemed like a far-off dream that only extremely motivated and successful people could achieve.  Chris' confidence in me that I could be one of those people was such an inspiration.  

At the time, we had several friends who were real estate agents so I began my research by meeting with two of them.  They were both very encouraging, assuring me that I had what it would take to complete the schooling, pass the exam, and grow a successful real estate business.  At this time, I had started cleaning the house of a family friend for extra cash.  With the combination of my student load decreasing by half and Chris not receiving the promised promotion at work, we were in dire need of additional income. I was very thankful for the opportunity as the money earned often became our grocery money for the week.  Cleaning someone else's house was a very humbling experience for me but provided me with ample time for audiobooks.  

I discovered Rachel Hollis during this time and was enjoying her book, "Girl, Wash Your Face."  I can remember the exact moment I decided it was time to step out and boldly go in the direction of my dreams: it was while I was cleaning a toilet.  Now, these friends of ours were not gross people.  They always picked up and their house was clutter-free which made it one of the easiest homes to clean.  But the trifecta of Chris' conversation in my memory, Rachel Hollis in my ears, and the toilet scrub brush in my hands was the push I needed to say enough was enough.  It was time to start down my new path.

October 10 was the day my Real Estate studies began.  Forever a student, I eagerly began!  The online course I had purchased allowed 120 days to complete not including the course exam which was to be taken in person.  I mapped out my plan to complete the lessons, allowing margin for lessons that might take longer to complete.  According to my estimations, I was poised to finish WAY before the deadline.  I scheduled studies into my day, sometimes during the time the children were at school, but mostly evenings after they went to bed.  I diligently took notes and completed units.  And it took me the ENTIRE allotted amount of time to complete the course.  I scheduled my course exam, took it, and failed.  Wait, WHAT?  Yes, I failed.  

I was completely shocked because I just KNEW I had passed, and probably had also received one of the highest grades in the class.  I was in shock but set to studying again, determined to pass the second time (particularly so since I would not have to redo the entire course if I failed the second time).  My second time there, I remember turning over the test and feeling a sense of dread seeing the same questions I thought I had answered correctly the first time around.  I assume it's for security reasons, but you are not told which questions you answered correctly and which ones were incorrect.  Of course, this makes studying so much more challenging.  Hunkering down, I once again did what I thought was my best... but this time I passed!

I quickly scheduled my license exam and continued to study daily.  Walking in to take the license exam, I was nervous but confident.  They took my picture and assigned me a computer.  My game plan was to skip any question I did not immediately know the answer to, answer the ones I knew for certain, answer all of the math problems (there's only one correct answer to those questions after all!), and circle back around to the hard questions.  First question: Not sure. Second question: Could be B? Third Question: Uh Oh.  Fourth Question: Cue the tears.  Panic washed over me and dread set in.  What had happened to the last SIX MONTHS of studying?

Pulling myself together, I slowed down and miserably finished the test.  I left the room defeated and handed my paperwork back to the man behind the desk.  He asked me to sit and started printing forms.  I quickly looked at my phone camera to make sure I had wiped all of the streaked mascara away.  The gentleman handed me my forms and started to give me instructions for delivering them to my broker.  I was so confused... "I PASSED?!?" I asked, astounded.  "Yes, you passed." Was his dry reply.  I joked that I now understood why they took the license picture before the exams.

Throughout this long and tedious process, Chris fully supported me... at least in words.  He was always the first to tell friends about my new endeavors, proudly stating that he fully supported this life transition.  At the time, I was still teaching three days a week, involved with the children's school PTO, and finishing up my 14-year commitment to North Fulton Music Teachers as their Vice President of Programs.  I was so thankful that I had his verbal support but can remember the exact moment of being completely overwhelmed when he responded, "This was your decision."  We had been in the middle of a discussion about everything going on, from two separate carpools, to running a household, to teaching, to studying.  I stood there flabbergasted by his response.  As was customary for me, I pondered his response.  A few days later, during a conversation, I laid it out for him.

"Chris," I said.  "I truly appreciate all of your verbal support.  It means the world to me for you to have my back as I chase this new dream.  But I need more than words.  To me, support looks like helping out a little more around the house.  Support in words is great, but I need actual, physical help."  (As a side note, this is why communication is so important in relationships.). Chris looked as though a lightbulb had just gone off in his head.  Suddenly, he got it.  

His support changed from just verbal, to actual physical, tangible support for which I was incredibly grateful.  He started helping out around the house, taking over responsibilities that had previously been mine.  At one point, he even took over the laundry!  He overwhelmed me with his help.  The support continued through the birth of my actual business.  I can 100% say that I would not have been able to achieve the level of success I have without it.  Being able to communicate what I needed and having a partner who was willing to listen and change was absolutely priceless.

Thank you to the following Artist for their art:

Pixaby

Energepic

Karolina Grabowska

Tatiana Syrikova

cottonbro studio

Son Bon

Starting Over: Lessons I Learned from Changing Careers - Part 1, "The Social Shame"

In the fall of 2018, I was not in a good place.  If we're really being honest, I hadn't been in a good place for about a year.  The previous fall I had cut my piano student load in order to have more time in the evenings for our children.  It was the first time both of our children were in school and it had become very clear that the piano teacher's schedule of teaching from 3:00-7:30 was no longer conducive for our family.  But as both children were in school and I no longer had a full-time studio to manage, I quickly fell into depression.  The first few weeks were awesome- my schedule was open and I'm pretty sure my children came home to freshly baked cookies several times.  I remember when it hit me, though: literally no one noticed (or cared) when I completed my household responsibilities.  I could be productive as soon as the children left for school or I could go back to bed, sleep until it was time for carpool, and do laundry in my now free afternoons.  I chose the latter.   

After about a year of this, Chris and I were discussing how I really needed to find something to do with all of my newfound free time, ideally something that produced an income.  We had not made the decision for me to cut back on teaching lightly- Chris had been promised a promotion at work and we had made plans for our family based on the word of people who had no intention of keeping it.  A year in, we were really starting to feel it.  That was when Chris made the suggestion that I look into real estate.  "Why would I do that?" I asked.  "Because you know you love it," was his reply.  He was right.  Even though we loved our home that we had searched for for a year and a half, I had never stopped looking at houses coming on the market.  One could say I had caught the real estate bug, and I was constantly looking up houses online and dragging everyone to weekend open houses.  I decided to explore my curiosities and enrolled in the pre-licensing course.

Fast forward to the following summer when all of my coursework was completed, the course final and license exam were complete, and I was starting to build my business from the ground up.  I can remember the first time it happened: someone asked me, "What do you do?"  I excitedly answered, "I'm a Realtor!"  They quickly raised their eyebrows and I could see in their eyes what they were thinking... "So, basically one step above a used car salesman."  I had not been prepared for this response at all and quickly (and proudly) added, "But I also teach piano!" and received the response I had become accustomed to receiving for the past 20 years: the softening of the face, a nostalgic look in their eyes, and a smile that said, "Now THAT is a noble profession!"

But wasn't helping people find their homes also a noble profession?  Why had I received this response and what was it in me that immediately felt shame for this new direction I had chosen?  I decided to dig deeper into these feelings and quickly realized I had been wearing my profession as a piano teacher as a badge of honor.  Teaching the next generation the art of music was such a privilege and I knew I was walking away from a profession that was very fulfilling and rewarding.  Nevertheless, I knew I was being called away from this profession and led to an exciting new career.  I knew what I needed to do in order to continually be proud of my new profession: stay true to myself and remain authentic.  

Defining my "Why" has helped me to do just this and stay focussed on what's important to me. What was driving my purpose? I started to dig deep, seeking wisdom from experts in the field.  I spent time in prayer and discussed it in detail with my mentors.

After much study and reflection, I finally defined my why: 

Every day, I work towards providing each of my clients with an exceptional luxury experience that helps them feel confident and knowledgeable about their real estate endeavors.  For the majority of the population, real estate is the largest investment one makes in a lifetime.  I consider it an honor and a privilege to be their trusted real estate advisor and walk alongside them during these transactions.

Thank you to the following artist for their art:

Alex Sever

Pixabay

30's-Something Ponderings

Today was a rare day.  For the first time in as long as either of us could remember, Chris left for the office and I stayed home.  On any normal Thursday, I would have a morning full of emails and to-dos and an afternoon of showings or playdates.   Today, however, I had very little work and zero appointments.  I found myself tackling projects around the house that hadn't been touched since my "stay at home" days: organizing the linen closet, deep cleaning the library, bleaching and ironing shower curtains.  Little tasks that so easily get thrown aside in a busy household but the same tasks that used to bring me simple joy.  As I neatly folded the towels and arranged them Ralph Lauren-style on the shelves, I was suddenly overwhelmed with so much grace and compassion for early 30's Ashley who so diligently kept her home as though any minute Martha Stewart's magazine journalists would be knocking on her door for an editorial.  Early 30's Ashley who managed to keep house, juggle preschool carpool, instruct a full piano studio, AND have the self-discipline and willpower to maintain a fit physique.  I have so much admiration for her and for all of her grit.  She fearlessly lead her household and, above all else, was a fantastic mother.  Always planning fun things for her beautiful children, always making sure they knew how much they were loved.   

As I round out my last year in my 30's, I wonder how much compassion the "Then-Ashley" would have for "Now-Ashley."  Would she have been able to stomach the fact that for the past THREE weeks, present-day-Ashley went back to bed every single time after morning carpool?  Would she have extended grace to the now-me mom who definitely allows too much screen time and too much junk food?  Or would she have agreed that after doing all-the-things for so long, it was OK to slow down, just a bit, and go back to bed after carpool without guilt?

Georgia has had the absolute pleasure of experiencing a true fall this year with chilly mornings and warm afternoons.  As we've heard many times, nature has a way of showing us that letting go can be beautiful.  In her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Maria Kondo talks about expressing gratitude towards things before letting them go.  As the last autumn of my 30's breezes in, I'm reminded that it's ok to fondly gaze on the incredible woman I was in my 30's while still having gratitude for where I currently am.