Starting Over: Lessons I Learned from Changing Careers - Part 1, "The Social Shame"

In the fall of 2018, I was not in a good place.  If we're really being honest, I hadn't been in a good place for about a year.  The previous fall I had cut my piano student load in order to have more time in the evenings for our children.  It was the first time both of our children were in school and it had become very clear that the piano teacher's schedule of teaching from 3:00-7:30 was no longer conducive for our family.  But as both children were in school and I no longer had a full-time studio to manage, I quickly fell into depression.  The first few weeks were awesome- my schedule was open and I'm pretty sure my children came home to freshly baked cookies several times.  I remember when it hit me, though: literally no one noticed (or cared) when I completed my household responsibilities.  I could be productive as soon as the children left for school or I could go back to bed, sleep until it was time for carpool, and do laundry in my now free afternoons.  I chose the latter.   

After about a year of this, Chris and I were discussing how I really needed to find something to do with all of my newfound free time, ideally something that produced an income.  We had not made the decision for me to cut back on teaching lightly- Chris had been promised a promotion at work and we had made plans for our family based on the word of people who had no intention of keeping it.  A year in, we were really starting to feel it.  That was when Chris made the suggestion that I look into real estate.  "Why would I do that?" I asked.  "Because you know you love it," was his reply.  He was right.  Even though we loved our home that we had searched for for a year and a half, I had never stopped looking at houses coming on the market.  One could say I had caught the real estate bug, and I was constantly looking up houses online and dragging everyone to weekend open houses.  I decided to explore my curiosities and enrolled in the pre-licensing course.

Fast forward to the following summer when all of my coursework was completed, the course final and license exam were complete, and I was starting to build my business from the ground up.  I can remember the first time it happened: someone asked me, "What do you do?"  I excitedly answered, "I'm a Realtor!"  They quickly raised their eyebrows and I could see in their eyes what they were thinking... "So, basically one step above a used car salesman."  I had not been prepared for this response at all and quickly (and proudly) added, "But I also teach piano!" and received the response I had become accustomed to receiving for the past 20 years: the softening of the face, a nostalgic look in their eyes, and a smile that said, "Now THAT is a noble profession!"

But wasn't helping people find their homes also a noble profession?  Why had I received this response and what was it in me that immediately felt shame for this new direction I had chosen?  I decided to dig deeper into these feelings and quickly realized I had been wearing my profession as a piano teacher as a badge of honor.  Teaching the next generation the art of music was such a privilege and I knew I was walking away from a profession that was very fulfilling and rewarding.  Nevertheless, I knew I was being called away from this profession and led to an exciting new career.  I knew what I needed to do in order to continually be proud of my new profession: stay true to myself and remain authentic.  

Defining my "Why" has helped me to do just this and stay focussed on what's important to me. What was driving my purpose? I started to dig deep, seeking wisdom from experts in the field.  I spent time in prayer and discussed it in detail with my mentors.

After much study and reflection, I finally defined my why: 

Every day, I work towards providing each of my clients with an exceptional luxury experience that helps them feel confident and knowledgeable about their real estate endeavors.  For the majority of the population, real estate is the largest investment one makes in a lifetime.  I consider it an honor and a privilege to be their trusted real estate advisor and walk alongside them during these transactions.

Thank you to the following artist for their art:

Alex Sever

Pixabay

30's-Something Ponderings

Today was a rare day.  For the first time in as long as either of us could remember, Chris left for the office and I stayed home.  On any normal Thursday, I would have a morning full of emails and to-dos and an afternoon of showings or playdates.   Today, however, I had very little work and zero appointments.  I found myself tackling projects around the house that hadn't been touched since my "stay at home" days: organizing the linen closet, deep cleaning the library, bleaching and ironing shower curtains.  Little tasks that so easily get thrown aside in a busy household but the same tasks that used to bring me simple joy.  As I neatly folded the towels and arranged them Ralph Lauren-style on the shelves, I was suddenly overwhelmed with so much grace and compassion for early 30's Ashley who so diligently kept her home as though any minute Martha Stewart's magazine journalists would be knocking on her door for an editorial.  Early 30's Ashley who managed to keep house, juggle preschool carpool, instruct a full piano studio, AND have the self-discipline and willpower to maintain a fit physique.  I have so much admiration for her and for all of her grit.  She fearlessly lead her household and, above all else, was a fantastic mother.  Always planning fun things for her beautiful children, always making sure they knew how much they were loved.   

As I round out my last year in my 30's, I wonder how much compassion the "Then-Ashley" would have for "Now-Ashley."  Would she have been able to stomach the fact that for the past THREE weeks, present-day-Ashley went back to bed every single time after morning carpool?  Would she have extended grace to the now-me mom who definitely allows too much screen time and too much junk food?  Or would she have agreed that after doing all-the-things for so long, it was OK to slow down, just a bit, and go back to bed after carpool without guilt?

Georgia has had the absolute pleasure of experiencing a true fall this year with chilly mornings and warm afternoons.  As we've heard many times, nature has a way of showing us that letting go can be beautiful.  In her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Maria Kondo talks about expressing gratitude towards things before letting them go.  As the last autumn of my 30's breezes in, I'm reminded that it's ok to fondly gaze on the incredible woman I was in my 30's while still having gratitude for where I currently am.

In Pursuit of Habits for 2021

Nothing makes me want to set some new goals more than a fresh start.  Recently, I read James Clear's national bestseller, Atomic Habits (yes, I realize I'm about 3 years late to the craze).  If you've been around me or my blog for any length of time, you've probably heard or read about my yearly, monthly, weekly, daily (hourly?) goals.  I've read many books on the subject and consider my ability to identify my weaknesses and then pursue strategies to correct them as one of my strengths.  

While many of the habit books I've read are incredibly helpful and insightful, James Clear speaks about habit formation in a very straight, scientific way that simply makes sense.  He begins by shedding light on the misconception that while goal setting and intentions are great and all, it's really the systems we put into place and committing to the process that produce the desired habits that can allow us to achieve our goals.  It is with that in mind that I present to you the habits I wish to create and fine-tune in 2021.

2021

Go to bed earlier (for real).  

There's no denying 2020 was a weird year.  With plenty of at-home time to devote to developing solid habits, the uncertainties often crippled efforts, and ultimately late nights and sleeping in won.  Many of the lines in Atomic Habits speak to expanding healthy living habits and the ones that I've constructed to help my processes in place are the following:

"I will start my bath as soon as we put the children to bed."

We've established pretty solid systems for making sure the children get to bed on time each night, especially during school nights.  In order for my winding-down time to be able to begin as soon as they are in bed, we've created firm daily rituals and boundaries to ensure all housekeeping and to-do's are completed by the time dinner arrives.  This makes certain that evenings are spent relaxing and reconnecting with each other.

...so back to this bath.  You might be thinking- "You don't need to put this process in place- we follow your social media accounts and know for a fact that you take plenty of baths."  This process is less about the actual bath and more about the timing of it.  The ritual of the nightly bath is the beginning of my bedtime routine.  I start the bath, remove my make up, take everyone's dirty clothes from the day down to the washing machine where I set it to begin right before we wake up.  I place my fitbit on its charger, grab my water for the evening (a 1.5 liter Smart Water bottle which I'll drink between then and the morning), and snatch my book from the nightstand.  By starting the process right after we put the children to bed, I'm setting myself up for early-to-bed success.

Move every day.  

While quarantine brought with it many walks, there were also plenty of times where we would go days without walking.  Rewind a year before quarantine and you would have found me moving way more in general.  In the past when I've set movement/exercise "goals,"  it's been with an end result in mind: 

"I want to lose weight so I will run a mile every day."

"I want to run a half-marathon, so I'll train 3 days a week."

"I want to be flexible so I will do yoga every day."

While these are all great mindsets, they're just not very motivating on a daily basis.  Running a mile can be (and is) daunting most days.  Following a daily yoga routine requires intentional planning and sacrifice to dedicate 20-60 minutes to something that's not even that fun.  And the setting of a goal to run a half-marathon may motivate you up until race day, but what about after the finish line?  I gave myself a week off... which very easily expanded to more and more weeks.  My new movement rule will be:

"I schedule my daily walks into my calendar and never miss them."

and

"I will do yoga or run one day a week for 10 minutes."

Ten minutes may not seem like enough time to actually improve fitness, but as James Clear points out, it's more about developing the habit.  Once I get into the habit of making sure I'm walking every day and either running or doing yoga once a week, I plan on expanding these workouts.

Read 25 Books.

Last year brought much more downtime for us and I was able to read more books than I had the previous four years.  While I didn't meet my goal of finishing 25 books, I came very close at 21. In looking back at why I didn't complete the 25 books, the easiest thing to pinpoint is the lack of evening time dedicated to book reading.  To help reach the number 25, this year I am implementing:

"Once I get in the bath, I will set a timer for 20 minutes and read without looking at my phone."

Again, this may seem like a silly statement and, of course, once I read for 20 minutes, I'll most likely want to keep reading.  Really this rule is in place to help me focus on reading a book rather than scrolling through social media.

Help More People Buy and Sell Homes.

2020 brought with it my first closings in my new business.  The beginning of the year looked promising with a crazy "Spring Market" kicking into high gear... in January!  Needless to say, everything came to a screeching halt for me come March.  While I was presented the gift of time for additional training (including my Christie's International Real Estate Luxury Specialist designation!), I was certainly excited when things began to pick back up and I was able to resume helping friends and family buy and sell homes.  I learned more with each transaction and every interaction.  

Looking ahead to 2021, I've registered for even more training to help fill in any gaps and to continue the constant learning that's so important to any career.  I would love to implement my experience and upcoming training to help even more individuals and families in 2021.  I'm so blessed and fortunate to have a career I truly love and strive to continue to develope luxury experiences for my clients.

Cheers to 2021 and all of the wonderful opportunities and experiences it holds for us!

Thank you to the following photographers for the use of their photos!  Please check out their work on Instagram!

Olya Kobruseva

Julia Larson

Cottonbro

Taryn Elliott

Clayton Bunn

Mister Mister

Frank Cone

Johannes Plenio

Sebastian Voortman

In Pursuit of "Sheltering-in-Place" Sanity

We've all seen the memes circulating about introverts' declaration that they've been preparing for self-quarantining their whole lives.  They're pretty funny and I would say most definitely true.  I am a self-proclaimed [outgoing] introvert whom upon hearing of a possible multi-week shut-in began dreaming of all the projects around the house that would be accomplished.  Being married to a very non-introverted outgoing extrovert, I quickly saw how being a homebody doesn't necessarily come as second nature to all.

So, I decided to put together a list of different daily and weekly events that one can look forward to during this quiet and sometimes lonely few weeks.

Learning New Music

With many hours in the day spent at home, this presents a great opportunity to learn that piece you've been putting off for a while.  I've also started looking into new artists that have much of their music available on Musescore, which offered a 30-day free trial.  Additionally, I've started picking up my guitar again (which my fingers do not appreciate) and it's comforting to have the house filled with music.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Organizing

As I mentioned above, I dream of having extra hours to organize. Throughout the year, I like to go through cabinets, closets, drawers, etc. that have become overloaded and disorganized.  During our current stint at home, I've cleaned up the laundry room (and brought it back to its former glory shown here) and cleaned out all of our island drawers (containing flatware, cooking utensils, cooking tools, plastic containers, and the children's plastic dishes).  We also made a drop-off at Goodwill (which was surprisingly still opened) of donation items crowding our guest room and downstairs TV room.  Still left to complete include: 

1. My clothing drawers (I've accumulated about a million and a half t-shirts over the past few years of running in races)
2. The children's dresser drawers (because they're both in a growth spurt and definitely will not be fitting into their current school uniforms when school resumes in the fall)
3. The art cabinets (lesbihonest... I'll probably save this one for last)
4. The game/puzzle cabinet
5. The linen closet (I've done this fairly recently but feel it needs some tidying)

Two books that have really helped encourage me with organizing over the years are Emily's Ley's Simplified Life and Marie Kondo's Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  

Le Tote

Two sisters turned me on to this service a few weeks before schools and such closed their doors.  It's a clothing rental service that offers different packages of clothing to borrow.  Once you're done with the clothes (either after a day or after a month), simply place in the large envelope (shipping's already included!) and stick it in the mailbox.  You do have the option of purchasing items you can't bear to send back.  This has been a little luxury that it's been fun to look forwards to every week or so.  New clothes (without having to leave the house) can definitely lift your spirits and keep you from falling into a "bla" mood.

Photo by Belle Co from Pexels

Zoom Happy Hours

You've received your first Le Tote shipment, which encouraged you to actually style your hair!  All dressed up with nowhere to go?  Nonsense.  Set up a free Zoom conference with a few friends and catch up over a glass of wine while safely remaining distanced.  I thought this was going to be super lame the first time around, but it was actually really fun to catch up with a group while each of us enjoyed the beautiful weather.  This will never take the place on live-action happy hours but is a great substitute while remaining socially responsible.

Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

Book Club

As I mentioned in yesterday's post, there seems to be so much more time to actually read for pleasure these days.  While reading in and of itself is entertaining, why not get a few friends together to read the same book then set a date to meet over video-conferencing to discuss it?  Most people would love the chance to join a book club but don't generally have the time to get the reading completed.  Use our extra time to set goals to complete books and make it extra fun by conversing with some pals upon the completion of each book.

Photo by Wendy van Zyl from Pexels

Bible Study

Another activity that I easily put off are Bible studies.  I'll very ambitiously purchase one while attending a conference but (full disclosure) most likely not complete it on my own.  When Chris and I were first married and many of my friends were having their first babies, I suggested a "book club" which focused on completing Bible studies and weekly meetings at each other's homes to discuss chapters over brunch.  It was such a fun time and a great way to stay involved with friends.  As we had more and more children, it became less and less simple to schedule times that worked for everyone.  I've recently started talking about getting together the old group to complete a study together over the next 6 weeks.  These studies will not only provide daily activities to complete but also added anticipation of weekly virtual gatherings.

I hope this list has provided you with additional means to stay entertained during this unprecedented time upon us.  While I realize most of these items listed are introverted in nature, I do hope some of them provide means to engage with others through the vast means of technology that is accessible!

FTC: This is not a sponsored post.  All opinions are my own.  Links may be affiliate.

In Pursuit of a Gracious Homelife

Excitement of blooms.

The colors all fall to earth.

Carpet of petals.

Our Spring 2020 was ushered in with unprecedented uniqueness.  The whole world, it seems, had slammed on the breaks.  Chris celebrated his second week of working from home.  The children had completed their first week of Long-Term School Closure homeschooling assignments.  Likewise, I had successfully completed a week of virtual piano lessons in my studio. 

This break-but-not-a-break came at us somewhat unexpected (I mean, at some point, we all knew closures were inevitable, but really- did anyone expect to become their child's schoolwork implementors from mid-March through the end of the year?).  When the call finally came, I knew we needed to set some ground rules to not only help us survive but to set us up for success in thriving during our extended time together at home.

Photo by Kaboompics .com from Pexels

As many type-A parents shared on social media, I, too, created a schedule to help us make sure we maintained structure during our two-week-turned-three-month intermission from regularly scheduled programming.  Over the week, we adjusted and fell into a very gentle routine.  I wanted to share bits of our routine with my readers in hopes of bringing inspiration for thriving during this quiet time.

Photo by Burst from Pexels

8:00-9:00 We all appreciate sleeping in and leaving our alarm clocks set to off allow us time to naturally wake each morning.  We allow the children to have a slow morning as Chris and I make our French press coffee and go through the day's work commitments.  I'll journal in my gratitudes and affirmations journal, check email, balance our budget, and print out the children's many pages of work for the day.  

10:00-1:00  These are the times I've been holding my virtual piano lessons.  I've fought the virtual lesson model for quite a while and still do not believe it to be the most pedagogically sound means of instruction, but it works for the time being.  The fact that it's new to my students does make it exciting and it is fun to see them in their homes and see them playing their own instruments!  

This is also the time Fiona and Eliot watch their instructional videos (sent by their amazing teachers each morning) and complete their homework sheets.  It's so funny what resources you find you need more of each day and one we quickly realized we need to make sure was on hand was plenty of printing paper and ink!

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood from Pexels

1:00-4:00 Afternoons allow free time for myself and the children.  This is generally when I'll walk out to get the newspaper and complete the daily sudoku.  If I leave it out, Chris will sometimes squeeze in the crossword puzzle.  Our chickens have recently decided there are so many more interesting places to lay eggs other than their nesting box, so daily Easter egg hunts provide fresh air and entertainment!

Photo by VisionPic .net from Pexels

5:00 If the weather has let up at all (which surprisingly it does, most days) we'll take a family walk.  We have many options in our neighborhood and surrounding sidewalks for short and long walks and it provides much-desired exercise and fresh air.

6:00 We've been attempting to have earlier (for us) dinners and have continued to enjoy the various meal box subscription services we rotate through each month.  Our favorites have been Everyplate, HelloFresh, HomeChef, and Marley Spoon.  While these meal kits are generally not cheaper than going to the store and purchasing all of the ingredients yourself, they do a fabulous job of providing a variety of recipes that we wouldn't normally think of creating.  Additionally, all of the ingredients are appropriately portioned so that you're not purchasing a large amount of an ingredient you rarely use only to throw out the unused portion a week later.  

7:30 Early dinners normally allow for a family movie night.  So far we've watched Pitch Perfect 1, 2, & 3, Starwars IV, and Mean Girls.  My daughter is now slightly obsessed with acapella versions of pop songs.  We finally started a trial of Disney + and look forward to exploring its programming over the next few weeks.

Photo by Elizaveta Dushechkina from Pexels

9:00 We've attempted to keep bedtime relatively early and because of that I still have time for my nightly bathtime ritual which helps in keeping a sense of normal to my days.  I've been reading a whole lot at night and recently finished Death at Chateau Bremont and just started Where the Crawdads Sing which I'm absolutely loving.  I've noticed that many of the books I read take a few chapters (sometimes up to half-way through) to really catch my attention and keep me wanting to read.  Delia Owen's best seller immediately captured my interest and I've been reading multiple chapters a day.

While this peculiar time is still somewhat of a novelty, my hope is that we can graciously continue in this slow, steady rhythm, and are able to look back to this time fondly.

FTC: This is not a sponsored post.  All opinions are my own.  Links may be affiliate.

In Pursuit of Success: Putting People First.

The start of a new year is always a great time to reflect on the past and look forward to the future.  Seeing as we're nearly in the seventh week of 2020, I've had quite a few weeks to reflect and decided to record some of my contemplations here.  

I began teaching piano lessons at the age of 15.  It was somewhat of an accident: my friend (who was my neighbor*) wanted to learn to play "Moonlight Sonata" and I could teach her.  From there, my love of teaching grew and I soon found myself in a full-time teaching position at a local** music store.  The store, which primarily sold guitars and did rentals for middle school and high school band students, had about half a dozen studios in the back, one of which became my place of residence from 3:00-6:00 on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and 10:00-6:00 on Saturdays.  

Colleen, my friend and first piano student, and I.

My love of teaching prompted my choice of study in college: I was accepted into a music school with an amazing piano teacher and fabulous piano pedagogy*** teacher.  They taught me about playing techniques, the history of the music and its composers, and nearly every theoretical concept of music.  One lesson I found particularly interesting was the business of teaching piano.  I was taught how to schedule students, how to keep track of expenses, and the somewhat foreign concept of auditioning students.

We were taught to hold auditions for any potential students to make sure we were the right fit for them.  We were taught about learning styles and personality types and the very basic human concept that not every teacher is suited for every student.

Around this same time, the music store where I taught was bought out by a different family.  The family purchasing it were very successful business owners and soon after the purchase, all of the teachers and staff were brought together for a pep-talk.  We discussed questions, exchanged ideas, and heard some instructions from the new owner that blew.me.away.  Mind you, this was over 15 years ago, so I will not state direct quotes, but here's the gist of it:

You don't get along with the student?  So what!  You have a problem with them or their parents?  Who cares?  We're going to fill your schedules and give you as many students as possible!  You know why?  Because their parents write the checks.  So the next time you have an issue with the student, just smile and accept the check.

I.was.shocked.  Wasn't I being taught by successful college professors that this was exactly what we DIDN'T do?  That was a turning point in my teaching career: I decided right there what type of teacher I wanted to be: the type of teacher who did what was best for her students, not what was best for her pocketbook. 

Miss Naylor, my friend and college piano professor, and I.

Over the years, I've had opportunities to put this into action. From referring top, award-winning students to teachers with greater teaching ability to telling children who wanted to take with me that I didn't feel I was the best fit for them.  They're never easy discussions to have, but I have never regretted one of them.  In the end, I knew in my heart that I was doing what was my absolute best for the student.

Fast forward 20 years:  I am still teaching piano lessons and, as many of you know, have recently earned my Georgia Real Estate license.  I signed on with Harry Norman Realtors in June 2019 and have loved every single bit of it.  It has been a very slow learning process but along the way I've kept the same matra: put people first.  Do what is in THEIR best interest.  Do the best you can for them.  I know this will look different in different situations, but I am confident that this is how I want to build my business.

Cyan, my friend and first client, and her daughter at their new home!

Happy New Year and may 2020 bring you and your family peace, love, health, happiness, and prosperity.

Thank you ever so much to CottonBro for the use of their gorgeous stock photos.

*The term neighbor is used very lightly here:  growing up in the country, "neighbors" were anyone within a 10-minute drive.  My friend fit that bill.

**This "local" music store was approximately 35-minutes away from my home.

***Piano Pedagogy is teaching private piano lessons as opposed to general music education.  

In Pursuit of Passion- My Journey to a New Career

As a young child, I started collecting old House Beautiful and Southern Living magazines.  By the time I was 16, I was subscribed to the newly published magazine; Real Simple.  The desire for "Home" has always been in my heart.  Fast-forward 11 years and my husband and I were ready to buy our first house.  Little did we know that journey would take us 3 years.

Photo by Scott Webb from Pexels

Thirty-six months of daily listing searches and countless hours of driving around, looking for the perfect home.  Then on February 8, 2014 at about 8:00 in the morning, we found it.  We immediately called our realtor to schedule a viewing, were the first ones in the door, made an offer that night, and moved in less than 5 weeks later.

The interesting thing is when you spend SO long searching for the perfect home, it's somewhat difficult to stop.  I loved our home but had unknowingly also developed a new love: real estate.  Scanning the pages of newly listed houses, constantly using apps to pull up houses where "for sale" signs had appeared overnight, and dragging my family on Sunday afternoon outings to see open houses continued to be the norm.

As our children have grown and our season of life has changed, Chris and I decided it was time to turn this lifestyle hobby into a career.  I spent the fall and winter of 2018/2019 studying and finally received my Georgia Real Estate License on June 10, 2019.  I quickly signed up with Harry Norman Realtors, Atlanta's oldest residential real estate firm.

Real Estate isn't just a career for me, it's a passion.  While the classes were long and the exams stressful, I am beyond excited to have the opportunity to help people buy and sell homes.  I believe that everyone deserves to have that feeling we felt when we walked into our house and immediately knew "This is the ONE.  THIS is our HOME."